You cant look down upon me..

You cant look down upon me..

Especially when I could’ve exhausted all those resources but I left them for you.

Never let myself get passionate for anything because I knew you wouldn’t bend when it was your time. And only one of us had to get what they wanted.. at least most of the times.

If stubborn and smart are the adjectives that define you, then sacrificing and adaptive will always call my name.

You may be the smarter one, and I take pride in that. But at least don’t make me feel worthless.
You’d say I did things and they were my choices, to which I agree. But when you look down upon me, it discourages me, it tells me how incompetent i am, it show me the mirror of my failures.

I tried. And I’ll try.. but please don’t look down upon me.

Flattening a doughball of memories.

If you dont know how to.. you’ll have an uneven surface depicting your remembrance of the traumatic experiences as speed bumps in your life and you haven’t made peace with it.

If you know how to.. you have accepted and merged with the pain. You have learnt how to live with the good and the bad in you. You know how to smoothen the bumps and heal yourself from the pain. You now know your trauma doesn’t define you, but the way you decided to smoothen the dough does.

P.s the rolling pin here is – EVERYTHING that helps you heal the scars

The art in us

We all have art in us

Art is not monetary

Art needs passion

Art needs prioritising

Art needs focus

Art needs love

Art needs kindness

Art needs sacrifices

Art needs pain

Art needs discipline

And we have all of that. But it’s just a difficult path to take. What we dont have is the urge to live with free will. The urge to scrap the material around to be submerged in art. When i say age is a number, I relate it with art . I can find my art at whatever age. Maybe as soon as i was i born – i would shake a leg, maybe i realise my quater life crisis isnt crisis but a realisation for my art . Maybe i fulfil all my material desires by 50 and finally get the comfort i wanted to get to my art. And the harsh truth is, one can even be delusional for life and die in shallow pain.

Age then defines the journey we survived to reach to our art and it’s quality.

Picture courtesy: Ohami

There is no harm in saying ‘NO!’

She compromised her dreams for the World, And the World laughed at her washouts. She was on everyone’s speed dial when in trouble; but her dial list remained empty, when she cried wetting her pillows.Until she realised, If it doesn’t make her 10 feet tall, if it doesn’t make her feel extraordinary, ‘Say No!’

It’s not You, It’s Me!

To explain Changes in a person or relationships, I’d go right back to my 3rd grade and say.. 

Change is just like a ‘water cycle’. The big words like evaporation, condensation, precipitation, collection just explains a change of one state to another. Be it liquid or gas. 

Just like that, the moment you Change Your state, the other will follow you, to maintain that cycle. So if you’re rude, busy, taking things for granted, then the opposite person will also change, to keep the balance.

And self reflection is the answer to all your questions about change.

So next time before saying ‘you’ve changed’ or ‘things are not the same anymore’, always look what’s changed in YOU to cause that Change. 

Everything Changes, when You Change!

Thinking of your flaw(LESS)

I got a dream this morning. Weird but hear me out! Me, sitting in a corner of the street and seeing a bunch of my guy friends sitting in different autos waving at me and asking me to set them up with one of my friends each. Well one by one i go asking them , ‘ who the fair chic?’ He says ‘ no! The chubby one’ then to the other i say ‘who? The one with those bob?’ He says ‘no the short one’. Then to the other i ask ‘who the skinny model like?’ He says ‘no the dusky one with those bob’.

I know its weird in a way to imagine this scene in real life.
This is surely an hyperbolic drama. But not entirely false.
I thought about it. Because i swear I’ve got DIFFERENT looking people as my friends. And by different, to no offence (well maybe you won’t be after reading the whole thing) i mean shortest of the short, tallest of the tall, chubby, skinny and so on. And trust me when i say this. I’ve got asked about each and every one of them by my different guy friends (well me being the ‘dear bubby’)

(Before you take me wrong)
Its not that this should give you validation to embrace yourself. But think about it! People now a days really have distinct and unalike beauty standards. Why can you not fit yourself into one of those with what you are? (Well i said that just because YOU try to fit yourself in those vogue model like state) ‘Beauty really lies in the eyes of the beholder’. Nudge yourself and see how beautiful you are, ignoring what society wants you to be.
Love yourself, Embrace yourself!

I Missed You!

Each day, every night just passed by and I was alone with just my thoughts.
Was upset not because I mind being alone, but I hate FEELING alone.
That day, as I lay on bed with all that I had, my thoughts, and wondered what was missing? I had everything, Family, Friends, Someone with whom I’d want to spend my whole life with…
Well maybe…
Maybe because I din’t have someone to listen to me… to listen to my thoughts.
I felt like being eaten up from within and I knew it was killing me.
But it had no way to get out of my head.
I really wished if only someone listened to me. All I wanted was to be heard. And maybe I missed You. I din’t really know who’s that ‘You‘, but I missed you!
Nights blew sleepless, and I was antagonized with each and everything that came around.
And that really helped. Not me, but my THOUGHTS.
That helped them take away the slightest social life I lived.
One night as these thoughts haunted and foiled me, I reminded myself of being the old, strong, independent me.
Yes Independent!
Why do I really need someone to listen to me, I thought. But then something was still missing…
Today, as I write this, I know exactly what was missing… it wasn’t a person.
It was YOU, MY DIARY!
Thanks for always being there!

The Reason Behind your Insecurities

We are always insecure about things that ‘WE’ are capable to do. Or WE could think of doing when nothing to do.

For an instance, if I’m insecure about what I’m wearing and afraid of people judging me for it, it is because I’d judge someone wearing the same thing. Likewise, insecurity in a relationship is a proof what a person thinks about the other and can do. Because one can only think to the extent of what he can actually do.

Our insecurities are restricted to our vulnerabilities and capabilities. It’s just ‘us’ in the worst scenarios doing the same things which we are insecure about.
So ‘WE’ are the insecurities.

Thus, our insecurities are just OUR opinions and judgements.
Think about it!

Betrayal: Please make it go Away!

Why would you do that to me?

Where did I fall short?

What did you get from her that you couldn’t get from me?

All these questions will prick my heart and haunt me my entire life. Or at least as long as you last in my heart because clearly I dint last in yours.

Have you ever got abandoned by your parent when you have a new born sibling? I wish you knew how it felt. How getting chosen from feels like. That’s exactly what I felt as an adult trying to come to terms with the dishonest relationship that we had all these years.

A perfect relationship, well at least for me, was ruined by your choices that night. You made her feel how important she was to you. Just the thought of it makes me nauseous.

It feels like a punch on my gut. Like half my arm in a lions mouth and living with whats left. Like whole of The Alps is on my heart because trust me a stone wouldn’t do justice.

I wish you had a sensory imagination to feel what I felt. And then have an equivalent apology to fade away the pain.  Not a kryptonite to make me weak but A medicine to cure my heartache.

I know I deserve better. I deserve to be with someone who loves me and respects me enough to be honest with me. I don’t deserve to feel this way.

Please, make it go away!